Please pay attention to his comments on the first draft. A link to the video with the comments is below:
His overall comment was:
You need to revise with the consultation of the writing lab. I afraid this paper falls below expectations for college-level writing in terms of grammar, citation practices, organization, and clarity. You also violate rules set forth in class, such ensuring that all pronouns have clear grammatical antecedents. You need to start over. Begin with an outline to organize your paper. Incorporate section headings. Use conventional modes of in-text citations. Note that quotes need to be introduced, unpacked, and their relevance to the discussion explained. There’s no other reason to quote in a philosophy paper than to justify attributing a position to someone. For each paragraph, you need to think about what its purpose is and then ask yourself how each sentence contributes to that goal. If it is not clear how it does, then do not include it. I would like for you to engage with 1 primary source representing dualism (Descartes’ _Meditations_ is fine) and 1 *primary* source representing logical behaviorism or identity theory.
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