ok, so this is my first draft but I need the final draft but I’m not sure how to do it… here’s my teacher’s opinion: Isabela,
This is well-written and you have a comprehensive overview of a lot of the issues here. However, this doesn’t really follow the assignment carefully. For your thesis, you should have an assertive and clear position focusing on either positives or negatives (need to pick a side, not explore both sides evenly). You should stay focused on arguing for your point of view (either pos or neg) throughout the essay, as well (right now your body paragraphs are including points on both sides). I am looking for you to acknowledge and respond to the opposing view, at some point in your essay, but you should be showing why those points aren’t significant, valid, or don’t outweigh your own points in support of your thesis.
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